"Commitment leads to action. Action brings your dreams closer. "


Monday, August 2, 2010

Change of heart

After MUCH deep thought and consideration and I going back and forth in my mind I have decided to NOT do the bikini competition in Topeka, KS in 8 weeks. I realize it is only 8 weeks out but my heart is just not in it.

I worked so hard for 7 months and ate so SOLID and was so dedicated to my food and exercised on average 6 days a week for 28 weeks in a row and exercised 2 times a day for 3-4 days a week for about 20 of those weeks and honestly, my mind and my body are just not into it as I thought they were.

I am SO SUPER DUPER proud that I did the Chattanooga comp and there is a good chance down the road that I will do it again but for now it is not in the cards for me.

My mind is on having a baby and finding the balance and searching for the food control that I am still lacking and then having a healthy pregnancy.

The great thing is that I have had these thoughts of possibly not doing the competition for 2 weeks and I have still stuck to my bikini food plan and exercise schedule and that makes me feel so good. I haven't eaten anything off my plan for 3 weeks now. YAY!! I had a great moment both weekend evenings in which I showed a lot of food control and I was SO PROUD of myself. Saturday night we went to dinner for my BIL's birthday and he chose Olive Garden. I seeked out the best thing on the menu for me and it was the Venetian Apricot Chicken which is SO GOOD. So I had that and 2 servings of salad with no breadsticks and that has no pasta. The apricot chicken has 380 cals, 32 carbs and 4 grams of fat and it is mighty tasty. Then Sunday night we were at my in-laws and my MIL cooked cheese dip (my favorite) and beef enchiladas and fried okra AND cupcakes for dessert. I thought to myself "this is the first time in 3 weeks that you will eat off a bikini plan and you must have control." and I DID. I got myself a small plate and put a small serving of enchiladas and fried okra and chips and a ramekin of cheese dip and that was it. I even passed up on the cupcakes. WOW!! SO SO PROUD OF the decision that

I made last night. I can tell I have made the right decision b/c honestly I feel somewhat relieved.

My new goals are to just eat clean on a daily basis. If I want fruit with my oatmeal and then an apple for a snack then I am going to eat it. I will stay away from sugar unless I just feel like I can't pass something up and I will stay away from bread, pastas and most dairy too. For now I am not even planning to eat a cheat meal weekly, if something comes up that I want to eat that is off my clean eating plan then I will eat a controlled portion of it and if not then I will just keep on with my plan.I will workout a consistent 5 days a week doing morning workouts before work for 45-60 minutes. I do plan to keep up with the weights though and I can do that at home or do an occasional one at the gym.

I do want to lose about 5 pounds and mostly inches and I will just do that slowly over time. At this moment in time I feel good about where I am and where my head is at and I am happy with that.


Jen said...

You are doing so awesome! I am thinking a baby sounds so much better than another comp LOL! As always you inspire me to do better and make better choices!

Sarah said...

I am a huge believer in trusting yourself. I am glad that you feel good about your decision. Although it seems weird to say since we haven't met, I am really proud of you.

Lindsay said...

proud of you!

Texas Gunslinger said...

Wow, Dawn, it seems you are going with your heart, and for that I totally respect and admire your decision to take it easy and focus on your health and a baby in the future! There will *always* be a competition and a stage for you to 'strut your stuff' in the future should you decide to do that, so it doesn't even have to be "no", but rather, "not now" (again, if YOU want to...)

You are so awesome and I'm so happy for you and your discipline and dedication is SO inspiring! I'm glad I have "met" you and will still be reading along on your progress! :)

J said...

Way to go with sticking to the plan regardless !! I have had the Apricot Chicken at OG (years ago) and it's pretty darn good.... Okay it's no fetuccini alfredo but still yummy.

Jessica said...

I have sooo much respect for the decision(s) you are making! When I found out you were going to train for another show, I thought, "Wow, talk about willpower!" I know I could have never jumped on the diet train so quickly again!! Way to go on following your heart! xo

Becca said...

Great post, Dawn! I am happy you are happy with your decision. It took A TON of work to get to the stage and I totally hear you on the 'heart not in it' bit!! Those of us who have been to the stage before know the long and arduous road ahead and I think that also adds to the loss of desire! LOL. But really - the stage will always be there. Family time, adding to the family, will not. You already checked it off your bucket list. We are ALL IMPRESSED and we know you have it in you - and most importantly, you know. What's the rush to do it again?
Enjoy your baby makin' . Love you

Anonymous said...

I guess I'm going to stand out in the crowd by saying I would go with the competition. I would register for it now and continue to eat well and keep exercising. It sounds like you made some good decisions in the meal choices lately and kudos to you for that...I would have caved in around the cupcakes for sure!! I think what you should do is register for the comp...if you get pregnant before that...then of course go into mommy mode and enjoy your pregnancy. If you continue to train and eat well and the comp day comes and you really dont want to go...then stay home. Whats really lost? Just the expense of registering and whatever purchases you made to get you there. Ultimately it wouldn't be wasted because a date on the calendar is what got you where you are now and another date on the calendar is possibly what it would take to make sure you don't cave in next time cupcakes are on the menu or at the icecream shop. It's easy to bargain with the devil and say you'll make up for it later and before you know it those portions are getting larger and so is your waist. Its way too soon to give up. If you were pregnant than of course that would be a different story but really...how different is your eating now than how you'd want it to be if you were expecting? I know it's your own decision to make but I'd hate to see you revert back and start going in the wrong direction. Good luck with whatever you do end up doing!